Against the Cult of the Commodity

A Grand Day Out

Play report by Gaming Peepaw, blogless but powerful gamer.

People doubted Angus Shankclaw. Ever since the loss of 3 of his legs in defence of the reef he had been treated as helpless. The seven legged were destined to live out their days resigned to a simple life in the reef. Angus knew this not to be his path. He dared not whisper his desires to other hermit crabs. They could not possibly understand his desire to leave the home he had fought to defend. Instead he found his compatriots among the other reef dwellers. Air-breather the Octopus known for his boasts of his life on the surface and Axo-Bob whose joie-de-vivre and Axolotl attitude made him an easy sell. Two left searching for the glory that adventuring could bring them, the other just happy to be along for the ride.

They first set out with the current, moving towards uncharted waters and ran into a throng of clownfish. These should have been easy allies but the party writ large had no way to communicate on account of a rare condition known as “low intelligence”. So they pressed on, content to leave the clownfish bouncing and wrestling amongst themselves.

Next they found two Stingrays locked in a duel. Transfixed by the violence they encountered they watched as one drove its barb deep into the soft fleshy underbelly of the other. The victor then came to them and in perfect reef shared that he, Jet Stingray Sr., had finally vanquished his chud traditionalist son. Despite having just witnessed infanticide the party unanimously agreed Jet would join them on their journey.

They were soon joined by another stingray, Daggertail Fuzzmouth, who yearned for glory amongst the waves!

Then they were beset by another pack! A full dozen stingrays arrived with rumours of a murder and a goal to stop violence by eviscerating the perpetrators. Air-Breather told them the truth in sharing that we witnessed the crime in another hex, but neglected to mention that the murderer was hidden beneath the sand just out of eyesight. The stingrays were dissatisfied and untrusting, and threatened violence against the reef if recompense was not brought to the Stingrays lair in short order.

The stingrays departed shortly after and we began to rest. We moved on to the corpse of an unrecognizable creature being devoured by a horde of tiny crabs. The crabs were immediately terrified of us and began to swim away anxiously. We assessed their half eaten lunch and found nothing of value so we pressed on.

After a short swim forward the light above us suddenly became completely blocked out by shadow as a massive form covered us completely. We heard a noise somehow both a deep rumble and a high pitched cry and we began to feel the water around us shuffle to accommodate the giant creature.

Suddenly the party became bewitched, all of them called in bubbles up to the eyes of the whale. All except Angus who poked out from his shell to see his mates enthralled by the glow of the whale’s eyes.

In a moment they were freed and the whale began to move away unconcerned with the comings and goings of the ocean’s small creatures.

Then the Stingrays began to attack. Transfixed by the presence of nanites in the eyes of the leviathan and with no regard for their own safety the stingrays latched to the hump of the whale’s back and began to sting the blowhole relentlessly. Inspired by their comrade’s confidence Angus and Air-Breather piled on Air-Breather headed for the eyes and Angus to the blowhole as well.

The whale thrashed and rocked but not before the seal on its blowhole was ripped to shreds thanks to the combined force of the creatures on its back. The Whale moved desperately throwing aside Air Breather despite the best efforts of 7 of his tentacles and capturing him in a bubble bound for its maw. But the triad above him continued to pound away Stingers and claws continuing to rend the soft flesh of the whale.

Then Angus was shaken free too. Bound in a bubble he drifted into the mouth. The whale began to surface, trying feverishly to break water to jet out water and flip itself and thus demolish the critters that besieged it. It hit the surface and the stingrays were flung free and thrown by both force of muscle and magic into the maw of the creature. The whale began to descend trying desperately to swallow. To crush these pests with one gulp.

Angus came to his senses in the mouth and struck the tendon beneath the tongue in a desperate gambit. He cleaved through the flesh as the tongue crashed upon him. He was saved only thanks to his shell as he folded himself entirely inside of it. The whale swallowed as it raced deeper. Jet, Daggertail, and Angus were plunged into its stomach.

Air breather was not with them. The octopod had broken free of the bubbles before the whale surfaced and bravely climbed the beast again. He drove the stingray tail he used as a sword into the blowhole and began to twist and spin with desperation frantic to fell the creature for his companions were swallowed.

Suddenly the Whale went inert. It had been bested. The poison, the strikes to its organs, the inability to take in air, it had all compounded and the whale fell. Slowly drifting down to the sand.

Angus, Jet, and Daggertail dug themselves free from the creatures open mouth. Axo-Bob and Air Breather met them and they stood agape at the feat they had just performed. They removed the eyes of the whale and examined the nanites within. The stingrays took the most powerful and watched as their flesh hardened and became stronger. Axo-Bob spoke of new magics. Angus and Airbreather just watched.

Then they were beset again by creatures. A group of sawfish had been drawn by the scent of blood from the battle against the mammal. They demanded to eat the creature and the party happily obliged, lest they be cut apart and eaten. As the sawfish cut open the stomach the party was able to encounter 2 mysterious objects both of which were quickly snatched up by the arms of the octopod.

Riding the high of their victory they strove forward again, fortuitously avoiding detection from a grouping of Sailfish. They then stumbled upon the Octopolis. A grouping of Octopods who they unanimously agreed were all giant losers who cared too much about talking and stacking clams. They were also racist against our stingray friends. After a short rest they made the journey home. Had they attained the glory they sought? Yes! But would anyone believe them without themselves laying eyes on the bones of the whale? Only time would tell.

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For God’s sake I just want Krill